Running Away

I run away from a lot of things and this platform isn't an exception. In fact, it is daring of me to scribble with the intent to start posting again. I truly missed the contents on this blog, how I carved my heart out and fearlessly wrote what cowardliness couldn't make me utter, how my contents reached out to others, how safe of a haven it was here. Would it be greedy of me to want that again?

"These four lonely walls have changed the way I feel
The way I feel
I'm standing still "

2020 has been a year of trial but Faith and fear has been the most part of it. I started posting actively on social media as a content creator. I incorporated storytelling as the centre of my contents and it was a delight. From learning to create carousels on Canva, to learning empathy that would sharpen my storytelling. The thrill didn't end there, I came across really talented writers that knocked me off my feet, people whose tales carried a bowl of tears and others a cauldron of rage.

The immensity of talents must have stirred something within me and if I'm honest it was as green as envy. I feared I would hold no relevance if people of this calibre of penmanship wrote and are able to amplify empathy and touch their audiences in seamless ways, and the engagements I had reached taunted me even more.

Maybe writing wasn't truly for me i thought. I was drowning in doubt and soon my consistency dropped. I spent hours scrolling through social pages searching for what I did wrong. And the more I searched the more I came across post/contents depicting how the writers themselves had been faced with the similar fear of not been enough or inadequate, and this fear only strikes when there's potential.

Walking at your pace, avoiding the social media pressure, checking out of the rat race, these were methodological into getting out from been disoriented. Sooner I realised I wasn't alone, I came across pages that calmed me and whispered its familiarity to me.

 While the fear seethed out something even more sinister crawler in, Procrastination. And it was all my fears wrapped in one sentence. As soon as I recognized this feeling and acknowledged it, I went from sulking to learning, because honestly I was underhanded and beginning to lose focus.  I'm still an avid procrastinator tho but I've found my personal counter-attack. And I could recommend a book by Brain Tracy that help recognized and pinpoint these feelings.

 But most importantly you have to recognise the will of God for your life and last year God did a lot of teaching and his words unfailingly gave comfort and action-oriented courage.

Thank you for all the support and encouragement and cheers to the ones who stuck around and cheers to the one who came. 

And yeah this is me not so subtly telling you I would be blogging again and this time consistently, transparently, most importantly with Faith over Fear.